The Sorting of Helga Hufflepuff
by Kevin3
Summary: What exactly happened the day the sorting hat was created...?


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.  But, some philosophers believe we can only possess after we have discarded everything… so I guess you could say I do own Harry Potter… only I don't…

Every so often my muse visits, and she makes a point of coming at 2:00 in the morning, knowing full well I'll have to sit up in my bed and finish the idea.  Anyways, I present…

**The Sorting of Helga Hufflepuff'**

"_Aversabilis__ Comminiscor Coepio!" chorused the four voices._

Each of them drew their hands away from the sleek wizard's hat, a tad worried of what the result might be.  After all, this had never been attempted before.

"Did it work?"

"I don't know, Helga."

"Blast, that thing's ugly!  Why'd we have to use Godric's hat?"

"Funny, Salazaar.  But it's certainly better looking than your ragged cap."

"Be quiet," hissed Rowena.  "Let's test it out."

All four became deathly quiet, and Rowena hesitantly rapped the hat with her fist, as if knocking on it.  Suddenly, the hat opened a mouth – which it hadn't had before – and… sang?

_I suppose you all are wondering  
why I'm singing to you  
but I hope that my job will  
be clear when my song is through_

_I'm a sorting hat, you see  
preparing for the day  
when you wise founders have  
left and gone away_

_A wise idea, showing thought  
indeed, it's rather prudent  
I'll take my place each year  
sorting each and every student_

_Hufflepuff's__ friendship was easily  
seen to anyone around  
within Helga's house hard  
work and loyalty abound_

_Gryffindor's__ bravery was well know  
and he never at all seemed scared  
valor and bravery Godric's  
housemates always shared_

_Slytherin's__ cunning was quite famous  
and known throughout the land  
Salazaar's chosen ones would  
always have a crafty hand_

_Ravenclaw's__ wisdom was observed  
through her thoughtful consideration  
Rowena's house would always possess  
those of deliberation_

_There you have it – the Hogwart's houses  
described in full to you  
all that's left for me now  
is to see your sorting through!_

The hat grew silent, and the four stared at it for a minute.  "Not bad," Godric said, smiling.

"It was great," Helga beamed.

"No complaints here," Salazaar added.

The three turned to face Rowena expectantly.  "I'm sorry," Rowena finally said.  "I didn't like it."

"Didn't like it?" Godric said, confused.  "It was perfect!"

"It didn't have any details.  No explanation why Hogwarts was created.  Not even any directions on how to use it!"

"It's a hat, Rowena," Salazaar sighed.  "What do you think you're supposed to do?  Take it for a walk?"

"This shouldn't be a history lesson," Godric added.  "Nobody will care why it was created."

Rowena ignored them and reached out to touch the hat again.  As energy flowed from her into the hat, instructing it in what she wanted, she closed her eyes and smiled.  A few seconds later, she finished and looked around.  The hat opened its mouth and sang.

_In the dark ages, magic bearing folk were feared  
so on Monday, March 4th of 957 AD  
four wizards gained Ministry approval for a castle  
to teach the young students within the country  
ninety three days later…_

"Wait!" Godric interrupted.  "It doesn't even rhyme!"

"Songs don't have to rhyme," Rowena pointed out.

"It was horrible," Salazaar replied.

"I liked the first one better," Helga added.

Seeing the three stares, Rowena rolled her eyes and again laid her arms upon the hat.  And again the hat began to sing.

_In the dark ages magic  
bearing folk were hated  
and the question of education  
the English ministry debated._

_On March 4th of 957  
approval was finally granted  
the ingredients for Hogwart's birth  
had then just been planted_

_Construction started shortly after  
and a shade over three months later  
the stone…_

"Stop!" ordered Salazaar.  "Even I don't want to listen to this – and I actually helped build it.  No first year would want to sit through this."  Without waiting for a reply, he touched the hat, the same what Rowena had, only instead of a smile he had a small smirk on his face.  Upon his finish, the hat once again sang.

_I see you all glancing hither  
each with a curious stare  
if you need to know your house  
well – I can tell you where_

_Slytherin__ was immensely cunning  
Hufflepuff was dull  
Gyrffindor was far too brash  
and Ravenclaw loved to mull_

_Looking for directions  
well that's really simple, folks  
I'm a sorting hat  
put me on you stupid blokes!_

"There," Slytherin announced.  "Quick, simple, and it even gave directions on how to use it."

"Yeah," complained Godric, "right after it called me a rash hothead and Helga a boring nobody."

"I liked the first one better," added Helga.

Gyrffindor took the hat and gripped it tightly.  But where Salazaar and Rowena closed their eyes, Gryffindor's blazed as he 'reprogrammed' it.  Yet again, the hat sang.

_A quarter of the students  
that walk upon this floor  
will get sorted into the  
best house – which is Gryffindor_

_Brave, bold, courageous,  
with valor coming out the ears  
only the excellent Gryffindors  
can overcome their fears_

_So put me on – I can  
promise that I won't bite  
but hope to be in Gryffindor  
pray with all your might._

"Well?" Godric asked.

"No."

"No."

"No."

"Why not?" Godric asked, upset.

"Let's see," Rowena said, "How about… because it didn't even mention the other three houses!"

"I liked the first one better," added Helga.

"My turn again," Rowena said, reaching for the hat.

"I don't think so," Slytherin argued.  "We don't need another history lesson."  He then grabbed the hat away from Rowena.

"At least she's impartial," Godric pointed out, trying to wrest the hat away from Slytherin.

"Who are you to speak," asked Rowena acerbically.  "Mr. Valor-oozing Oedipus."  All three by now had a grip on the hat, and all three began instructing the artifact.  But whereas before they had worked in unison, the three were mentally fighting and arguing amongst themselves.

_Specific dates!_

_Bold!  I'm bold!_

_There aren't enough synonyms for crafty!_

_Where are my specific dates!_

_I'm Bold, I tell you.  **BOLD!**_

_But…___

_Agh__…!_

_No!_

All three fell unconscious in a heap, completely spent from the energy they put into the hat.  Helga looked around, not surprised.  After all, it always seemed to come down to her in the end.  Hard working Hufflepuff – they didn't know the half of it…

Helga calmly put her hands on the hat, clearing away all the garbage in the confused cap.  A few seconds later, she gave the hat new instructions – her instructions.  After she finished, she quickly drew back her hands.

Rowena, Godric, and Salazaar slowly came to, and looked up at a lightly smiling Helga.  "What happened?" Godric moaned.

"We just finished the 'Aversabilis Comminiscor Coepio' when suddenly you three passed out," Helga lied.  "You were talking, though, as if you were dreaming."

"Quite," Rowena said.  "A very odd dream, too.  We were arguing about the sorting songs."

"Songs?  As in plural?" Helga laughed.  "We haven't heard a single song yet!"  The hat came to life, to sing once more.

_Wizard-Muggle relations  
were once torn asunder  
which prompted four mages of old  
to sit down once and wonder_

_How to teach the young ones  
in these times of fear and hate  
simple!  They built a castle which  
still serves its job to date_

_Within the walls around  
and around the air within  
an aura of magical wonder and  
learning began to settle in_

_The climate that they created  
was formed of different hues  
to match the wise builders  
and their corresponding views_

_Ravenclaw's__ welcome went to those  
of quick and thoughtful mind  
a studious scholar within you  
was Rowena's job to find_

_Slytherin's__ favor went to those  
of craft and careful guile  
to inspire ambition within  
was Salazaar's favorite trial_

_Gryffindor's__ honor went to those  
of brave and noble deed  
to those with courage within  
it was Godric's charge to lead_

_Hufflepuff's__ bond went to those  
of kind and loyal soul  
finding friendship in the heart  
was Helga's only goal_

_Four flavors, hues, ways of thought  
each unlike the others  
but how to sort the students out  
and put each among their brothers?_

_A bit of fabric, a bit of brains  
a touch of sewing, too  
the end result of all of this  
stands singing in front of you_

_There's only one thing left to do  
before my decision's said  
come up here, don't hesitate  
and put me on your head!_

"Hmmm…." Godric thought.

"A tad long," Slytherin pointed out.

"And the background information was a bit sketchy," Rowena added.

"I'm amazed it didn't use 'bold' to describe me," Godric joked.  "Still, I liked it!"

"It was pretty good," Rowena admitted.

"No complaints," Salazaar finished.  At this, Helga didn't know how long she could contain her laughter, and left abruptly.

"Why do you think she left so quickly?" Godric asked.

"And why didn't see faint like we did?" Rowena asked, ponderously.

"She probably didn't put as much effort into it," smirked Slytherin.  "After all, she's not as powerful as the three of us."

"Still," Godric said sadly, "it's got to be sad, knowing that she didn't really affect the outcome of the sorting hat."

"Who knows," Rowena said hopefully.  "Maybe she's blissfully ignorant."  The three agreed, and walked back to their respective houses.

---

Just so you know, that last sorting song was the one I was planning on using in my next story (I'll just have to make up another one).  It's also the longest one I've ever made.

Anyway, feel free to review


End file.
